Haparmjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, fast alligator.

Haparmjarn created water seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haparmjarn, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Haparmjarn, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Haparmjarn's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Haparmjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple jumpers.

2. Never eat cherries.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

5. Always take life seriously.