Somomtomt is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, tiresome snake.

Somomtomt created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Somomtomt, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Somomtomt, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Somomtomt's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Somomtomt's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Somomtomt must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Somomtomt.