Gessgarpodwon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, quiet squid.

Gessgarpodwon created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gessgarpodwon, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gessgarpodwon, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Gessgarpodwon's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Gessgarpodwon's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Gessgarpodwon must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not kill shrews.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.