Yakbettiftigflabmut is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, proud goat.

Yakbettiftigflabmut created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yakbettiftigflabmut, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yakbettiftigflabmut, it will cry a lot.

Yakbettiftigflabmut's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Yakbettiftigflabmut's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four mites approach from the east.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Yakbettiftigflabmut on top of all buildings.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never feed nuts to capybaras while wearing turquoise tights.

5. Never play with disobedient children.