Bastbossrak is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, humorless aardvark.

Bastbossrak created a down quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastbossrak, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bastbossrak, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bastbossrak's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Bastbossrak's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat pigs with great respect.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.