Jancabgom is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, confident porpoise.

Jancabgom created life eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jancabgom, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jancabgom, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Jancabgom's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Jancabgom's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat seals with great respect.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.