Sasvanzak is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, idiotic gerbil.

Sasvanzak created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sasvanzak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sasvanzak, he will send you a sign.

Sasvanzak's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Sasvanzak's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Sasvanzak loves dogs, so they must be respected.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Do not hurt ants.