Tabgovhakflap is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, egotistical mink.

Tabgovhakflap created everything that exists three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tabgovhakflap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tabgovhakflap, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Tabgovhakflap's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tabgovhakflap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. You must never eat turnips.

5. Always wear pink.