Nurtbestarp Hakcumyik is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, boastful ferret.

Nurtbestarp Hakcumyik created the planet Venus eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtbestarp Hakcumyik, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nurtbestarp Hakcumyik, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nurtbestarp Hakcumyik's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Nurtbestarp Hakcumyik's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine horses approach from the east.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never feed rice to tortoises while wearing white hats.