Guplakgar is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, grumpy hedgehog.

Guplakgar created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Guplakgar, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Guplakgar, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Guplakgar's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Guplakgar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt tapirs.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Retreat if seven turtles approach from the east.

5. Never feed turnips to monkeys while wearing turquoise skirts.