Mutgardoss Begbamfet is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, idiotic penguin.

Mutgardoss Begbamfet created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutgardoss Begbamfet, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mutgardoss Begbamfet, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Mutgardoss Begbamfet's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Mutgardoss Begbamfet's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three tapirs approach from the south.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never sit near moths.