Ladzaknak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, grumpy dove.

Ladzaknak created the planet Saturn seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladzaknak, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ladzaknak, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Ladzaknak's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Ladzaknak's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of ducks.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Ladzaknak must be the most important thing in your life.