Bonkcumcib is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, happy bear.

Bonkcumcib created the solar system two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkcumcib, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bonkcumcib, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bonkcumcib's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Bonkcumcib's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never feed bread to manatees while wearing purple kilts.

3. Bonkcumcib loves horses, so they must be respected.

4. Never mention mites.

5. Always help snails.