Hakjenzan is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, pitiless parrot.

Hakjenzan created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakjenzan, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Hakjenzan, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Hakjenzan's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Hakjenzan's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peas.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Hakjenzan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never think about black holes.