Ventarnab Batpinkip is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, merciless gerbil.

Ventarnab Batpinkip created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ventarnab Batpinkip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ventarnab Batpinkip, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Ventarnab Batpinkip's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Ventarnab Batpinkip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never mention sharks.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always treat grasshopers with great respect.

5. Never pour water over plants.