Jenzednutt Kapjopwik is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, narcissistic jaguar.

Jenzednutt Kapjopwik created vertebrates two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenzednutt Kapjopwik, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jenzednutt Kapjopwik, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Jenzednutt Kapjopwik's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Jenzednutt Kapjopwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about melons.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never feed corn to sheep while wearing black skirts.

5. Never look in ponds.