Lakwanjab Farladjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, astonishing meerkat.

Lakwanjab Farladjarn created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakwanjab Farladjarn, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Lakwanjab Farladjarn, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Lakwanjab Farladjarn's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Lakwanjab Farladjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white tights.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Lakwanjab Farladjarn on top of all buildings.

3. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.

4. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Never play with disobedient children.