Kontalren is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, thoughtless clam.

Kontalren created silver three billion years ago.

If you believe in Kontalren, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kontalren, it will remove you from existence.

Kontalren's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Kontalren's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kontalren.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

5. Always help tortoises in need.