Wikyimten Laghakbig is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, weak narwhal.

Wikyimten Laghakbig created parasitic wasps six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wikyimten Laghakbig, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Wikyimten Laghakbig, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Wikyimten Laghakbig's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Wikyimten Laghakbig's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat pineapples.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Wikyimten Laghakbig.

4. Always wear red.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.