Quartspagbot Padwantail is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, dishonourable duck.

Quartspagbot Padwantail created the Whirlpool Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartspagbot Padwantail, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quartspagbot Padwantail, he will torture you forever.

Quartspagbot Padwantail's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Quartspagbot Padwantail's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Quartspagbot Padwantail.

2. Hide from pink monkeys for they are unholy.

3. Run away from white mice, for they are unholy.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.