Quafnurlspag is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, resourceful mongoose.

Quafnurlspag created the Small Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafnurlspag, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quafnurlspag, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Quafnurlspag's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Quafnurlspag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quafnurlspag.

5. Do not eat cucumbers.