Lan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, fussy beaver.

Lan created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lan, she will remove you from existence.

Lan's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Lan's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near seals.

2. Never talk about ducks.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Do not shave your feet.