Jarngupyarl Nurtpagtal is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unfair whale.

Jarngupyarl Nurtpagtal created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarngupyarl Nurtpagtal, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jarngupyarl Nurtpagtal, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Jarngupyarl Nurtpagtal's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Jarngupyarl Nurtpagtal's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat cherries.

2. Do not take Jarngupyarl Nurtpagtal's name in vain.

3. Put Jarngupyarl Nurtpagtal first in all things.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Frogs are not to be trusted.