Tonklarn is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, humorless pig.

Tonklarn created the Sol system eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tonklarn, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tonklarn, it will turn you into a plant.

Tonklarn's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tonklarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat tomatoes.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Never hurt moths.

5. Always take life seriously.