Yarlfutstik is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, dishonest hippopotamus.

Yarlfutstik created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlfutstik, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yarlfutstik, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Yarlfutstik's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Yarlfutstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair purple.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. You must love Yarlfutstik.