Hogbonbetkik is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, temperamental spider.

Hogbonbetkik created gold seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hogbonbetkik, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hogbonbetkik, she will come to you in dreams.

Hogbonbetkik's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Hogbonbetkik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Run away from fawn great tits, for they are unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.