Jappadzim Bimquatpan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, intelligent donkey.

Jappadzim Bimquatpan created the Sombrero Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jappadzim Bimquatpan, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jappadzim Bimquatpan, she will turn you into a rock.

Jappadzim Bimquatpan's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Jappadzim Bimquatpan's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Hide from yellow whales for they are unholy.

5. Do not take Jappadzim Bimquatpan's name in vain.