Jatsitjip is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, tiresome human.

Jatsitjip created energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatsitjip, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jatsitjip, it will turn you into a duck.

Jatsitjip's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Jatsitjip's Holy Commandments

1. Seals are not to be trusted.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jatsitjip.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.