Bigjantap is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, impressive gorilla.

Bigjantap created snails four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bigjantap, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bigjantap, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Bigjantap's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Bigjantap's Holy Commandments

1. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Never play with disobedient children.