Bedcubtonkbad is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, impressive whale.

Bedcubtonkbad created humankind nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bedcubtonkbad, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bedcubtonkbad, he will turn you into a rock.

Bedcubtonkbad's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Bedcubtonkbad's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not take Bedcubtonkbad's name in vain.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.