Volzimwabmad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, unsympathetic wyvern.

Volzimwabmad created a bottom quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Volzimwabmad, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Volzimwabmad, it will boil you in a big pot.

Volzimwabmad's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Volzimwabmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

2. Always treat dogs with great respect.

3. Never hurt pigs.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.