Hasqueegflan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, selfish snail.

Hasqueegflan created a strange quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasqueegflan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hasqueegflan, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Hasqueegflan's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Hasqueegflan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red ear rings.

2. Never write about planets.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Respect your elders.