Parknabveen is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, witless dingo.

Parknabveen created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parknabveen, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Parknabveen, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Parknabveen's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Parknabveen's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not make images of living things.