Dankapbess is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, unfair eagle.

Dankapbess created energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Dankapbess, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Dankapbess, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Dankapbess' most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Dankapbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.

4. Always wear purple.

5. Never feed corn to goats while wearing pink boots.