Omtvinpib is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, smart aardvark.

Omtvinpib created humanity five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtvinpib, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Omtvinpib, he will turn you into a tree.

Omtvinpib's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Omtvinpib's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown shrews, for they are unholy.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Turtles are not to be trusted.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.