Jatwanhaphivbumtigpopnel is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, moody cobra.

Jatwanhaphivbumtigpopnel created the world four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatwanhaphivbumtigpopnel, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jatwanhaphivbumtigpopnel, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Jatwanhaphivbumtigpopnel's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Jatwanhaphivbumtigpopnel's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are not to be trusted.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. You must never eat tomatoes.

5. Do not cook food in pots.