Gunlitgan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, merciless whale.

Gunlitgan created a Higgs boson four years ago.

If you believe in Gunlitgan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gunlitgan, he will laugh at you.

Gunlitgan's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Gunlitgan's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near seals.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

5. Never paint your legs magenta.