Somripkab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, conceited scorpion.

Somripkab created viruses two billion years ago.

If you believe in Somripkab, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Somripkab, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Somripkab's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Somripkab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine iron sculptures of Somripkab on top of important buildings.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Retreat if four porpoises approach from the west.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.