Flabhatlopvolbencad is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, witty lobster.

Flabhatlopvolbencad created gold two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabhatlopvolbencad, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flabhatlopvolbencad, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Flabhatlopvolbencad's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Flabhatlopvolbencad's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Flabhatlopvolbencad nine times a day.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never paint your face black.

4. Hide from turquoise squirrels for they are unholy.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.