Sandtailwip is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, selfish raven.

Sandtailwip created snails two years ago.

If you believe in Sandtailwip, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sandtailwip, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sandtailwip's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Sandtailwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

2. You must never eat tomatoes.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Sandtailwip.

4. Hide if three mice approach from the north.

5. Do not speak about lemons.