Kaphatsid is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, idiotic meerkat.

Kaphatsid created the planet Venus six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kaphatsid, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kaphatsid, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Kaphatsid's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Kaphatsid's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Kaphatsid's priests.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Do not drink water in white rooms.

5. Feed all hungry otters.