Tapfumnut Tonkcibstrag is a god.

He takes the form of a large, weak crane.

Tapfumnut Tonkcibstrag created an electron eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapfumnut Tonkcibstrag, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tapfumnut Tonkcibstrag, he will turn you into a hamster.

Tapfumnut Tonkcibstrag's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Tapfumnut Tonkcibstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into white rooms.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tapfumnut Tonkcibstrag.

3. Always treat whales with great respect.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.