Karjapven Wigstafcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, humorless snail.

Karjapven Wigstafcuss created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Karjapven Wigstafcuss, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Karjapven Wigstafcuss, he will think nothing of it.

Karjapven Wigstafcuss' most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Karjapven Wigstafcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never run in holy places.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never feed garlic to cats while wearing fawn stockings.

5. Never pour water over plants.