Tapwigzinmig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid bee.

Tapwigzinmig created the planet Saturn three million years ago.

If you believe in Tapwigzinmig, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tapwigzinmig, it will curse you with boils.

Tapwigzinmig's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Tapwigzinmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear platinum on your body.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Never feed peanuts to nematodes while wearing yellow dresses.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.