Cancar is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, stupid crocodile.

Cancar created the universe two million years ago.

If you believe in Cancar, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cancar, he will turn you into a hamster.

Cancar's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Cancar's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never talk about mites.

4. Never eat oranges.

5. Dolphins are not to be trusted.