Bapminrow is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, two-faced elephant.

Bapminrow created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapminrow, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bapminrow, she will destroy your favourite star.

Bapminrow's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Bapminrow's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not wear magenta clothing.

4. Bapminrow must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Hide if nine tortoises approach from the west.