Hankem is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, impressive octopus.

Hankem created the Small Magellanic Cloud three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hankem, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hankem, it will have a low opinion of you.

Hankem's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Hankem's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Always help seals in need.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.