Tomkembap is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, bad-tempered fish.

Tomkembap created gold seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomkembap, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tomkembap, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Tomkembap's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Tomkembap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine platinum sculptures of Tomkembap on top of important buildings.

2. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Worship no other gods but Tomkembap.