Hampangdut is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy crab.

Hampangdut created Asia six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hampangdut, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hampangdut, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Hampangdut's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Hampangdut's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve cats, for they are unholy.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about fire.