Tomvid is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, kind hyena.

Tomvid created Africa nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomvid, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tomvid, it will refuse to believe in you.

Tomvid's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Tomvid's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five gulls approach from the north.

2. Never think ill of sick great tits.

3. Do not wear magenta clothing.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.